Return From The Holy Land

Living day to day in such close proximity to the evil, black waters of McCovey Cove, it is sometimes necessary for yours truly to make a soul restoring pilgrimage to Blue Heaven On Earth.  It’s important to touch that bright and joyful part of your heart on occasion, if for no other reason than Sanity Maintenance.

Nick, Sam, Zac and Andy point the the Fountain Family Baseball on the Dodger Stadium wall!

So, last week my four sons gathered from various locales like Chicago, Pittsburgh, San Francisco and Canoga Park to meet The Old Man on Sacred Ground and to take in the Jackie Robinson Day festivities at 1000 Vin Scully Avenue, Los Angeles, California. Of course, as fate would have it, my Beloved Bums would be facing my loud and obnoxious neighbors in a three game series. We had tickets for Games 1 & 2 … and the Friday game day tour of Dodger Stadium. Check another item off the Bucket List, to quote Tommy Lasorda, This Is What I Live For! 

We loved the Stadium Tour and afterward felt compelled to visit Philippe The Original, Home of the French Dip Sandwich. They claim to have invented the French Dip, but whether you buy into that assertion or not, you may have to concede that they perfected the thing. It’s pretty darn good. The place has been serving up sandwiches since 1908 and with its proximity to Chavez Ravine has been a popular Dodger Fan pre/post-game hangout since Dodger Stadium opened in 1962. It is one of those magical places that has a reputation of having healing powers. Visiting Giants Fans have been known to walk into Philippe’s, take one bite of the Beef Dip and walk out with a new and glorious light in their eyes and a heart pumping Dodger Blue … a Baseball Epiphany, if you will. Anything can happen in the shade of Saint Lasorda’s Shrine, even the rescue of a poor, lost black and orange soul.

Game 1, Shootout in the Ravine, Bumgarner vs. Kershaw, Part Two or “Hey, Kersh, I Get A Kiké Out Of You”

Feeling cleansed, we passed through the turnstiles at the ballpark, collected our Jackie Robinson replica jersey and settled into the sea foam green seats on the Reserved Level and watched with pride and humility as Rachel and Sharon Robinson took part in the pre-game honoring of their husband/father. You cannot be a baseball fan or an American and not feel goosebumps while the number 42 is being worn by every player on the field. What better place to be on MLB’s Jackie Robinson Day than Dodger Stadium? The fact the game is against the rival Giants is just icing on the cake. Throw in a pitching matchup of Bumgarner vs. Kershaw and it just becomes silly good.

For Dodger Fans, the game was more fun than a Yasiel Puig rundown! Kershaw did his thing and everybody’s favorite player, Kiké Hernandez, hit MadBum’s first pitch about 450 feet into the left field pavilion. The Banana Rally Boy went on to hit another home run and a two-run double to ice the game, 7-3, for my Bums.

Did the Giants really think they could beat the Dodgers on Jackie Robinson Day at Dodger Stadium? That’s just not gonna happen.

Random Notes: This was the first time all four Fountain Boys and I had attended a game together at Dodger Stadium. For me, it made the Dodger Dogs a little tastier and a win over the Giants a little more satisfying. It was a great day for an old, pot-bellied weirdo with a Dodgers obsession … and I liked it too.

Another thing I noticed was the lack of Giants Fans in the stands. The games I’ve attended at AT&T Park it seems that a good third of the crowd is wearing Dodger Blue. Now, I hope that’s not residue from the horrible Bryan Stow incident. I don’t think it is because the next night there were a few more black and orange caps scattered around the ballpark, but nowhere near the numbers I was expecting. Maybe Giants fans just hate L.A. that much … or maybe they didn’t want to be around the Jackie Robinson celebration. Dodgers fans are pretty proud of being the organization that broke the color barrier and that’s likely hard for Jints fans to take. I get that. But, they missed some nice, warm, pleasant evenings at the ballpark. Too bad.

Dodgers Two-Week Report Card: Well, here we are, two weeks into the season. What do we think of the 2016 Dodgers so far? Here’s my take:

• Today’s standings show the Dodgers tied for first place in the NL West with the Colorado Rockies at 8-5. The Giants are 1.5 games back at 7-7 while the Diamondbacks and Padres are currently under .500. Sure, it’s just two weeks but it’s always better to be in first place, even if you have to share it with the Rox. So far, so good. A-
• So far, the “depth” the Dodgers have amassed seems to be paying off. How many teams could start a season 8-5 with 11 guys on the DL? Everybody has injuries, I know, but how will other teams in the division fare when it happens to them? We’ll see if Friedman’s philosophy gets us to another postseason or leaves us stumbling with a bunch of “half-decent” players. So far, so good. A
• Kenta Maeda is doing what Zack Greinke did for us last year. In his first three starts he’s given up one run, a missed location pitch to Joe Panik that was unceremoniously swatted into the bleachers. So, one run … a homer … and that’s it. D-Bags are wishing they were getting that kind of production from their quarter billion dollar investment. So far, so good. A
• Scott Kazmir has been, well, stinky. He looked great his first seven innings against the Padres, but like the obnoxious meme says, “The Giants Ain’t The Fucking Padres.” Maybe the Jints have his number. Maybe he’s continuing his inconsistent career path. We know he can be dominant. Maybe he will be again. He better, or we might have a problem. D
• The bullpen. What is with the bullpen? Who are they? Why do they look un-hittable one day and then suddenly turn into Bryce Harper’s dad lobbing to his kid at the Home Run Derby? Currently they are on a 14 inning scoreless streak. At AT&T last week you needed more than ten fingers to calculate their ERA. I don’t get it. But, one thing’s for sure; Kenley Jansen may be the best closer in the National League. B-
• Attitude. This team is responding to Dave Roberts. I’m not a big believer in “team chemistry” but it seems that teams that are loose, yet focused and that genuinely seem to like each other have more success. I hope that’s true because this group has the best camaraderie I’ve seen on a Dodgers team since the Lasorda days. Have you seen their tweets? Kiké, A-Gone, A.J., heck, even Puig are all laughing, dancing and tweeting to beat the band. Justin Turner’s presidential bid will be a running gag all season and should help keep things loose. Kenta Maeda has endeared himself to his teammates and Chase Utley is providing that veteran presence the young guys need. It’s great to see. All credit to Dave Roberts … he’s got these guys scrapping. A+
• The offense. These guys can hit. They can score. Like all teams they are vulnerable to good pitching, but even the opponent’s ace better be on his game or these Bums will rough ’em up. They jumped on Cueto for five first inning runs the first week of the season (and then watched Kazmir and the bullpen give it back) and they’ve won against MadBum in both of his starts against them. Utley has been great at the top of the order. Seager is the best young hitter the Dodgers have ever had. Joc is a work in progress but he’s gettin’ his dingers, including a game-winner against the Giants on Sunday. Trayce Thompson can play and Kiké is just going nuts. This is a fun team to watch and the offense is showing the potential to be great. A
• Defense. Last year the Dodgers led MLB with the fewest errors made by any team. This year? A little sloppy so far but flashing signs of brilliance. Corey Seager is one of the smoothest fielding shortstops I’ve ever seen and his arm is great. He will likely get even better as he learns the league. A-Gone is always a Gold Glove-caliber guy and Yasmani Grandal has been terrific framing pitches. In fact, the tandem of Grandal and Ellis is one that pitchers have gotta love. But so far, early in the season, fielding has been a bit inconsistent, but it will get better. B

All in all, we’re a game and a half ahead of the Giants after two weeks of play. I’ll take that any old time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts On Dodgers vs. Giants Opening Series

After pummeling the San Diego Padres 25-0 over the season opening series, the Dodgers traveled to My ‘Hood to take on the hated Giants. And, how did that work out for us, you ask? Let’s talk about it. It helps to talk about it, right?

APRIL 7, 2016 Giants Home Opener, Game One of Series

Woke up to a gorgeous day on the banks of McCovey Cove, perfect for baseball. Or so I thought. Even though the Dodgers placed their 11th player (Carl Crawford) on the DL that morning, they were coming off a three-game sweep of the Padres. Like James Brown used to say, “I feel good!”

My wife, who works next to AT&T at the Public Safety Building (which is why we live so close to the ballpark) was attending the game with a few co-workers. Now, her co-workers have never been quite sure what to make of her revelation that she was a (gasp!) Dodger Fan. Truth is, she’s really an Angels Fan, but for the sake of our marriage (and the kids) she agrees to root for my Beloved Bums whenever they aren’t playing the Angels. So, her friends got her a ticket. If you ask me, everything that happened after the fourth inning that day is her fault. But, in 36 years she’s never really been guilty of anything I’ve blamed her for, so maybe take my accusation with a grain of salt.
Things started on a bright note, Our Bums got to Jake “I’m Not A Mental Case I’m Just Intense” Peavy for four runs and it looked like we might have a shot at spoiling the Giants’ party. After all, Dodger pitchers entered the game with a scoreless streak of 27 consecutive innings, which was extended to 31 before Alex Wood got to the fifth. I wish I drank because now I want wanted to get to the fifth. But, I don’t, so I was sober when the Jints nicked Wood for three runs to give the Dodger staff an E.R.A. and  put the Orange & Black Scourge back in the ol’ ballgame.

After he put the first two guys on in the fifth we brought in Pedro Baez who loaded the bases … and then unloaded them … and the Giants took a 7-4 lead. A very welcome Joc Pederson bomb brought the Dodgers to within a run at 7-6, but the bullpen imploded and the Jints won the opener, 12-6.

OK, we were due for a let down. We’ll get ’em tomorrow.

April 8, 2016, The Stripling Game, Game Two of the Series

Dodger rookie, Ross Stripling. Photo by Jon SooHoo/© Los Angeles Dodgers,LLC 2014

Ross Stripling won the fifth spot in the Dodger rotation because Ryu, McCarthy and Anderson are on the DL and Mike Bolsinger, the obvious replacement, got hurt.  Sure, they could have gone with promoting Zach Lee or one of the phenoms, Urias or DeLeon, or maybe opt for a guy like Carlos Frias who has major league experience. But they elected to go with Stripling because Carlos Frias had a terrible Spring and they really don’t want to rush the Phenoms.

So, Stripling gets the call to take on Matt Cain on a cool, damp, drizzly San Francisco night. Good luck, kid. Have at it!

Well, all Mr. Stripling does is no-hit the Giants into the eighth inning … then, all heck breaks loose.

When Stripling walks a batter with his 100th pitch, new manager, Dave Roberts channels his inner Don Mattingly and leaps from the dugout to pull Ross and cheerfully hands the ball to Chris Hatcher. Guess what happens next? Well, pretty much the same thing that used to happen to Mattingly when he handed the ball to Chris Hatcher …the Dodgers lose.

Did Roberts make a mistake by pulling Stripling? Depends on how you look at it. Consider this:

• Stripling had Tommy John surgery in 2014.
• Stripling had never, never, ever thrown one hundred pitches in a game in his life.
• His command and velocity were obviously waning. He lost 3-4 mph on his fastball over the last five batters and was starting to miss his spots.
• The Dodgers had a three-run lead with five outs to go.
• The kid had never pitched in a game above Class AA.
• For what it’s worth, Stripling’s dad confronted Roberts after the game and, with teary eyes, thanked the manager for protecting his son.
• Ross himself agreed with the move.

Regardless of how you feel about the decision to pull a guy pitching a no-hitter, the failure of the bullpen made this one of the most disappointing losses I’ve ever witnessed. Stripling, and Dodger fans, deserved better.

April 9, 2016, Kersh vs. MadBum, Shootout on the Embarcadero, Game Three of Series

This was the first ballgame I’ve attended of the 2016 season. I went with my wife (who left after the first inning because she’d already been there an hour and wanted to take a nap), and our son, Nick. We were all fired up for what promised to be a great pitching matchup. And, like every game Kershaw starts, we were also expecting a Dodger win. However, it wasn’t all Hot Dogs and butterflies, the dreary San Francisco weather continued to gloom the place up. It rained all night Friday night and the forecast was for showers on and off all day Saturday. We actually thought the game might be postponed, but after a forty-minute rain delay, the AT&T ground crew removed the tarp. So, we pulled our hoods over our Dodger caps and hunkered down in Section 302, Row 9, seats 1, 2 and 3 and put our game faces on. We were pleased to see the Dodger Booster Club, Pantone 294, occupying the upper half of the right center field bleachers. It’s always nice to see plenty of Dodger Blue at the ballpark in China Basin. It helps to neutralize the otherwise sinister vibe.

The Kershaw v. MadBum saga continues to perplex me. I don’t like Madison Bumgarner. For one thing, Madison is a girl’s name, period. For another thing, he’s a yahoo from North Carolina. North Carolina sucks. It’s a regressive Southern state, friendly to bigots and their obsession with Tar Heels basketball is unhealthy at best. Oh, and Madison Bumgarner comes from there. Also, the Giants play the Charlie Daniels Band’s “Fire On The Mountain” for MadBum’s walk-up music. The only good thing about Charlie Daniels is that he played bass on some great Leonard Cohen records, other than that, he sucks too. Be that as it may, MB is the Giants ace … and arguably, their best hitter. So, when he came up in the second and homered, I wanted to puke. The stench of ballpark garlic fries didn’t help, but I was literally ill. I later learned, while watching the replay and reading Kersh’s lips, the he and I had uttered the same exact thing when the ball left Bumhumper’s bat, “You’ve got to be F#$@ing Sh&!ing me!”

Kershaw’s incredulity would be further tested when the number nine hitter, shortstop Ehire Adrianaza also took him yard. It wasn’t a typical Kershaw start … he gave up a lot of fly balls and wasn’t striking hitters out at his usual clip, but even off-his-game Kershaw is better than 99% of other pitchers in the league.

Kershaw wasn’t destined to be the star of this game anyway. The player that saved the Dodgers’ bacon in this contest was journeyman infielder, Charlie Culberson.

Corey Seager and Charlie Culberson, the two shortstops teamed up with back-to-back doubles to beat the Giants on Saturday. Photo stolen from TrueBlueLA. Thanks!

Culberson barely made the Opening Day roster because there’s no real shortstop available to back-up Seager. Charlie proved his worth by making a nice 360 degree spin move to throw out Denard Span in the fifth. After Seager entered the game, Culbertson moved to left field. He hadn’t played the outfield all Spring. So, naturally, the first batter lines a shot to left. It was an “Atom Ball” (right at ’em) but Culbertson held his ground and made the play. But, with two out Angel Pagan lined a Kershaw pitch to the gap in left center, from Section 302 it looked like extra bases for sure … but … wait!!! … is that a bird? … is it a plane? … no! It’s Charlie Culberson laying out to make a sliding catch just as the ball was about to skip off the outfield grass! Whatta play, whatta play!

Culberson wasn’t finished. After the Dodgers caught a break in the ninth when Giants’ second baseman, Kelby Tomlinson bobbled a potential game-ending double-play ball and Utley was able to score from third. So, we move to the 10th … the two Dodger shortstops teamed up with back to back doubles with Culberson’s hit scoring Corey Seager and giving the Dodgers a 3-2 lead. Kenley Jansen held the Jints in their half of the inning and the Dodgers got away with a soggy, but much needed, win.

My son and I, and Pantone 294, left the ballpark feeling a little bit better about life.

April 10, Kazmir vs. Cueto, Game Four of Series

I had a ticket for Sunday’s finale, but it wasn’t in my usual spot. This time I was parked in Section 330 (notice how I’m always in the nosebleeds?) Row 1, Seat 24 … end of the aisle! Pretty cool. It was cloudy and cool but not nearly as uncomfortable as Saturday.

Dear Giants Fans, What’s up? You think you’re in L.A.? The game’s started, where are you? Arriving late? Yeah, let me hear about how nonchalant Dodger fans are again. You don’t have to deal with the Golden State Freeway. Oh, and don’t blame Muni, either.

The Dodgers jumped all over new Giants acquisition, Johnny Cueto, scoring five times in the first! All right! I’m settling in for what looks like a laugher! The Dodger offense has been pretty good this first week and there’s no reason to believe we shouldn’t cruise to an easy win this afternoon. After all, we’ve got Scott Kazmir pitching and his 2016 ERA is 0.00 so far this year! Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, let’s go Blue!

Kazmir gives back two runs in the bottom of the first. He gives up three more in the third and we’re tied, 5-5. The young lady sitting next to me blushed at the foul language she heard sputtering from the old, pot-bellied bald guy in the Dodger gear. Poor kid had found herself sharing tight quarters with a curmudgeon in Blue. Sorry, girlie, life is hard … get used to it. At least I wasn’t eating nachos … those really give me gas … count your blessings, sweetheart.

Suffice to say the day went downhill from there … we’d lose the game big and the stupid Jints would come away with a third win in the four games.

But, let’s think about it a little bit. It’s the first week of the season, nobody died. There were some things I took away from the series …

• The Dodger offense isn’t a problem so far. Seager, Gonzo, Puig and the boys are hitting the ball hard.
• The Giants starters didn’t do all that well in the series. Bumgarner was fine, but we beat up Peavy and Cueto. I would think the Jints would be at least a little concerned with Cueto. He’s been a real off and on guy the last season or two.
• Corey Seager is a stud.
• Ross Stripling was waaaaaaaaaay beyond what we could have reasonably expected in his first start against an arch rival.
• The Dodgers start the season 4-3 against division foes. Given the injury situation (no excuses, just a fact) we have to be happy to be treading water. I mean, 11 guys on the DL, not to mention losing Van Slyke with back soreness in game three, come on, that’s tough.

So, my Bums go back to L.A. for their Home Opener against the D-Backs tomorrow. Kenta Maeda will make his first start in font of the home crowd and things are always interesting against the D-Bags. Greinke back at Dodger Stadium and all that jive. It should be fun.

I’ll be making my pilgrimage to Chavez Ravine for Jackie Robinson day against the Giants and will hang around Saturday for the 6 p.m. game as well. I’ll tell you all about it next time!

Let’s go BLUE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reasons I Believe Giants Fans Are Just Absolutely, Freakin’ Adorable

I can’t help it, I just love them. Their misty, dewy, soft, uncomprehending eyes. Their complete and total disregard for rational thought. Their myopic view of the world … they’re sort of like the Elders of some bat-shit crazy Bible Belt denomination that keep women and children in the basement … preparing garlic fries all day. Oblivious. Keepers of their very own reality. Yes, I simply ADORE Giants Fans. Cuter than a pink hamster twirling a parasol on a unicycle.

It’s a good thing I find them amusing because I’m surrounded by them. When I take the dogs for their walk around McCovey Cove, wearing my Dodger cap, I feel something like Barack Obama would if he wandered unexpectedly into a Tea Party Rally. It’s a tangible awkwardness mixed with a fear of assassination. Of course, I may be over-reacting, but sometimes I take off the hat … just in case.

Fearing for my life, however, does very little to dampen my affection for fans of The China Basin Scourge. They appeal to my love of the absurd … the entertainment value of speaking with people whose synapses are obviously misfiring. It’s the same thing that makes me insist on engaging Jehovah’s Witnesses. Heck, I knock on THEIR doors when I get bored. They’re a hoot and a half! But, Giants Fans are the best. And, here’s why …

THE BELIEF SYSTEM

1. Giants fans ACTUALLY DO BELIEVE that because it’s an even year, their team is destined for a World Series™ Championship. Ask them for proof and they will point to 2010, 2012 and 2014. How can you argue with that logic? They also believe that after the final out of the 2016 Series, Buster Posey will ascend from the field into the night sky and be taken aboard the spacecraft trailing the Hale-Bopp Comet to preside over a New Age Of Enlightenment and Refined OPS Calculations. I can’t prove them wrong – and it infuriates me.
2. Giants Fans seem to TRULY BELIEVE that winning three World Series™ titles over a 61 year period is somehow better than winning six over the same time span. Go ahead, ask one. They’ll give themselves (and possibly you) an aneurysm shouting, “Three In Five, Three In Five!!!” over and over. Never mind that it’s now three in six, at the very best. Math is obviously not their strong suit.
3. Giants Fans are unwilling to admit the fact that their Beloved Redneck With A Girl’s Name, Madison Bumgarner, was recently employed by the Trump Campaign to sit at the border and throw sliders at immigrants attempting to enter the U.S. for work. I have video proof that such a deal is in place! I’ll post it on YouTube™ when I’m finished with post-production. You’ll see!
4. Giants Fans have a bit of a double-standard. Barry Bonds, Tito Fuentes and Sergio Romo are “colorful” while players like Yasiel Puig and Bryce Harper are “disrespecting the game.” It’s really cute.
5. Most Giants Fans think the name ‘Minnesota Twins’ refers to the conjoined love children of Jesse Ventura and Minnesota Fats that they think they’ve seen on tabloid covers at the supermarket. They have no knowledge of any other baseball team in either league. They know about the Dodgers, because they’ve been told to dislike them by some grouchy newspaper columnist. Just for giggles, ask a Giants fan who the catcher for the Milwaukee Brewers is and watch their head start spinning like Linda Blair on Ritalin.
6. Giants Fans won’t concede the “Beat L.A.” chant was created by Celtics fans and first used when the Lakers would come to Boston Garden to pummel their Green Shirts. It was adopted by clever Jints Fans some years later.
7. Sometimes people can say things so outlandish that it becomes impossible to ever take what they say from that point on as anything other than random, guttural grunts and addled, fevered gibberish. Colin Cowherd once said that U2 was a better and more influential band than the Beatles. Goodbye Colin, maybe you’ll have a future as a speechwriter for Sarah Palin, you now have zero credibility left, which is not necessarily a drawback for hosts of sports talk shows. Be gone with you, Philistine! Giants fans run the same risk of an eternity of derisive mockery when they attempt to, somehow, propose that their team broadcasters (the insufferable Kuip and Kruk) are even relatively close in ability, insight or talent to that of legendary Dodger broadcaster, Vincent Scully. This notion is so beyond the pale as to be surreal. They might as well try to tell us Carrot Top is a comedic genius on the level of names like Groucho, Kovacs, Brooks, Carlin and Pryor. If someone actually walked up to me and made a claim that anyone was better than Vin, I would have no choice but to view them as a feeble-minded and useless cretin who might as well try to convince me pixies paint the flowers to give them color and that Justin Beiber really knows how to rock. It is a blasphemy, a sign of raging dementia, or maybe even demonic possession. Jints Fans, lay off Vinny … it’s beyond lame to criticize the Red Head. Your charcoal heart is showing.
8. Giants Fans should never ridicule Dodger Fans for “arriving late” or “leaving early.” I have witnessed a two-thirds empty AT&T Park after the 7th inning of a one-run game on more than one occasion and those fans don’t have a three-hour freeway drive to look forward to, so there.
9. Note to Giants’ management: Replace the elderly “Ball Dudes” with some cute girls in shorts. Watching these old geezers fall all over the place and taking line drives to the dentures isn’t amusing. It’s sad. Cruel even. Speaking as an “Old Dude,” it’s a practice that I would like to see retired … like that guy asleep in that folding chair at the end of the Giants’ dugout. Elder abuse is a crime.
10. Finally, I will take a grilled Dodger Dog over a basket of soggy garlic fries any day of the week. I mean, come on, it’s a baseball game. Wine spritzers and crab cakes have no place in the bleachers of a ball game.

But, like I said, these beliefs make Giants Fans endearing, in a sick kind of way – and I still love these besotted little gremlins.You can’t really fault them for harboring their bizarre allegiance. Many were simply “born into it.” Others, unfortunately, may have fallen into some unholy stupor after having tried to look into Bruce Bochy’s eyes. Either way, it’s not really their fault. Bless their pointed little heads.

NL West 2016: The Giants

THE DEFENDING CHAM ….. oh, wait …. they’re not defending any titles this year, are they?  Now, you wouldn’t know that by listening to Giants fans. They’re still slobbering about three titles in five years. I mean, that’s nice and all, they do indeed have the trophies, but their perspective is a little off. I mean, isn’t it really more like three titles in 61 years? But, be that as it may, let’s talk about 2016, shall we?

After finishing 8 games behind the Dodgers and missing the playoffs in 2015, the Giants went into the offseason determined to bulk up their starting pitching and try to add some bats to the aging and oft-injured outfield. To their credit, the front office addressed those very issues. To the bemusement of Dodger fans, they did it in a way that isn’t exactly “intimidating.”

The starting pitchers out there in free agency that were most coveted didn’t land on the tranquil shores of McCovey Cove … but, the rival Dodgers didn’t get them either. So, I guess that counts as a win for the Jints. But Sabean & Co. did spend some money on pitching!

They got Johnny Cueto and Jeff Samardzija. Cueto got $130,000,000 over 6-years and Samardjiza got $90,000,000 over 5-years. That’s a lot of garlic fries.

But, here’s the thing … what did they get for their nearly quarter billion dollar investment?

Johnny Cueto is among baseball’s elite pitchers … sometimes … he’s been consistently inconsistent, especially last year. Of course, he was troubled with a bum elbow, but let’s not that worry us, OK? In the Giants’ defense, there wasn’t much “affordable” pitching out there and they got the best guy left after Greinke and Price signed for super ridiculous money. (Good luck with those signings, Red Sox and D-Bags). But, should Cueto return to form, he will LOVE pitching in AT&T Park and he’ll fit nicely into the #2 spot behind MadBum. But, honestly, I think there was a reason the Dodgers didn’t outbid them for Cueto’s services. We’ll see if that was a good or bad decision as the season wears on.

Now, as far as the OTHER big free agent pitcher they signed …

Dodger fans when they heard the news that the rival Giants had signed Jeff Samardzija for $90,000,000.00!!!

I have to admit, this move surprised me a bit. I know starting pitching is at a premium, but $90MM for Samardzija? Heck, that’s almost as much as he made as a wide-receiver for Notre Dame!

Lifetime Samardzija is 47-61 with a 4.09 ERA. Last year he gave up more hits, runs and home runs than ANY pitcher with 30+ starts.

NOTE: DUE TO A TECHNICAL GLITCH, THE SECOND-HALF OF MY BRILLIANT ANALYSIS OF THE GIANTS POSITION PLAYERS, BULLPEN AND COACHING STAFF DID NOT APPEAR IN THIS POST. I’M SORRY. IT WAS REALLY GOOD. I’LL TRY TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING SOON.

---

 

 

Since moving from New York here’s a list of all of the years that the San Francisco Giants didn’t win the World Series:

1958, 1959, 1960, 1961, 1962, 1963, 1964, 1965, 1966, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975, 1976, 1977, 1978, 1979, 1980, 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2011, 2013, 2015.

Years marked in blue are the seasons the Los Angeles Dodgers did win the World Series. So, it’s still 5 to 3, advantage, DODGERS!

---

 

Spring, A Time For Promise and Personal Growth …

2016 INTRODUCTION AND PHILBERT’S ANNUAL SPRING PREDICTIONS

This is a blog that looks at Baseball, and in particular the storied Dodgers vs. Giants rivalry, as seen from the perspective of a Blue-Bleeding-Fanatical-True-Son-Of-Lasorda Dodger fan who happens to find himself, due to unforeseen circumstances, living directly across the street from AT&T Park, the Giants offices and the continuous chirping of San Francisco fans. It’s a strange, yet not altogether unpleasant, kind of hell in which I exist. This weirdly cool conflict forms the basis for the contents of this blog. It isn’t much, but it’s what I have and it helps me cope.

New Philosophy: Readers of any of my blog posts or Friends On Facebook already  understand that I’m kind of … well … opinionated. OK, OK, I’m a jerk. But, in my defense, I only appear to be a jerk because that’s what people who happen to be right all the time look like to the outside world. We can’t help it if all of you people who are always so wrong get all butt-hurt when somebody points it out to you. Call a waaaaaahmbulance.

But this season, I’d like to throw a change-up.

I sense it may be time for me to start being more sensitive to other people’s point of view. Perhaps my acerbic tone could be construed as arrogant, meaningless Baseball Xenophobia – to which I would have to plead “guilty.” But, it’s Springtime! The Cactus and Grapefruit Leagues are gearing up and hope springs eternal for baseball fans everywhere! What better time to change and grow as a human being! I am a chrysalis ready to burst forth and add a little color, life and love to the universe!

Let me outline my new “PIMP” (Philbert’s Improved MLB Philosophy):

• The Los Angeles Dodgers and the San Francisco Giants are only baseball teams. Fans of the aforementioned Giants should not be considered an “inferior race.” That is BFAIW (Baseball Fascism At It’s Worse). Both Dodgers and Giants supporters are only people. They just happen to be partial to one team or another. It just so happens these two teams have a well-known rivalry. This fact adds to both the fun and the passion exhibited by fans of the two teams. It also just happens to be true that these ball clubs represent two very fine California cities that I love. I have lived in both places and enjoyed them both immensely (beats the hell out of North Dakota, right guys?) Since I don’t buy into the concept of “Free Will” (at least not in its generally accepted form) an individual’s team of preference is primarily the result of a combination of geography, genetics and whimsy. It’s these rather random factors that determine a person’s BA (Batting Average or Baseball Affiliation in this particular case). Most are simply “born into it.” Certainly, by understanding this, there should be an inherent tolerance of each other, at least by rational people. (It could, of course, be argued baseball fans are not, by nature, rational creatures. But, for our purposes here, let’s take the high road).
• Baseball players are highly paid, pampered and privileged members of society. Every baseball team has baseball players. Fans “root for the laundry” – meaning their affection for one player or another is determined by the uniform they happen to be wearing at any given instance in the space/time continuum. I have personally witnessed a current player, Juan Uribe, loudly cheered and loudly booed by the same fans in the same ballpark based solely on the uniform he was sporting at the time. I’m OK with that. But, it should be understood that in the future, on this blog, I will attempt to rise above such “personal” prejudices and avoid commenting on “personalities” unless it impacts the game on the field. Today’s villain could be tomorrow’s hero. Besides, I’m tired of pointing out what an arrogant redneck Madison Bumgarner is and I’m just as weary of the accusations of immaturity and “hot dogging” aimed at Yasiel Puig. They both will play baseball for whatever team that will pay them … it’s their job. They’re mercenaries.
• Note to Jints Fans: I love to argue, cajole, lament and generally pontificate on the games with fellow fans. I’m sorry this has to be said, but I really don’t think Giants fans are scumbags or that their team is a morally bankrupt organization. I mean, you’re not the New England Patriots. Both the Giants and Dodgers are iconic franchises and their histories are entwined with baseball’s itself. We’re lucky to have each other. That being said, you will be shown no mercy on this blog. You simply belong to the wrong tribe. It’s just how things are … but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Keep that in mind.

2016 NATIONAL LEAGUE WEST PREDICTED STANDINGS

1a. LOS ANGELES DODGERS

1b. SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS

1c. ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

4. SAN DIEGO PADRES

5. COLORADO ROCKIES

OK, I’m going to be honest here. If you’re at all objective about it (not a requirement, however) you would probably have to agree that there are three teams that, on paper, should compete for the division title. I don’t mean to sound wishy-washy, but would any of us be shocked to see any of those three teams in the playoffs? I wouldn’t. I’ll tell you why I like the …

DODGERS: I’m biased. But, I don’t think I’m out of line by picking them to finish first … or third. The national media has them ending up either 1, 2, or 3. It seems the “analytics” believers put them in first while the more “gut feeling” types seem inclined to pick them finishing third. Like EVERY team there are quite a few “ifs” that have to be resolved if My Beloved Bums are going to be successful. “If” Yasiel Puig returns to the form we saw in 2013 that would be huge for this team. There is no question his talent “potential” is off the charts but there is certainly no guarantee he will ever show that spark again. “If” Joc Pederson can recover from his post Home Run Derby slump he brings both power and speed to the offense and is a first-rate defender in the key Center Field position. Can he fill the holes in his swing? If so, he shows a keen knowledge of the strike zone and his OBP will go through the roof. If not, well, Oklahoma City is nice. “If” Corey Seager lives up to the hype, we’re talking Superstar. If he doesn’t, he should at least be serviceable. Either way, he’s the shortstop. “If” the bullpen can get it together, and they did the second half of last season, there’s no reason to think this team can’t win 90+ games. Now should all of those things, or even ONE, break the Dodgers way they will be a team to be reckoned with.

Why the Dodgers are good: 

Los Angeles Dodgers Clayton Kershaw pitches during pitchers and catchers workout Monday, February 22, 2016 at Camelback Ranch-Glendale in Phoenix, Arizona. Photo by Jon SooHoo/©Los Angeles Dodgers,LLC 2016

• Clayton Kershaw is The Best Pitcher On The Planet. It’s not even debatable.
• The team is “deep.” Yes, they lost Zack Greinke but they added serious numbers to the pitching ranks. If Ryu, McCarthy or Anderson aren’t as healthy as they say they are, the Dodgers still have free agents Scott Kazmir and Kenta Maeda,  not to mention Alex Wood, Brandon Beachy (probably starting all year for OKC unless there’s a real emergency), newly signed Cuban pitcher, Yasiel Sierra, Mike Bolsinger, Julio Urias (#1 left-handed pitching prospect in baseball), Jose DeLeon and Carlos Frias all ready to step in. Bullpen? Aside from Kenley Jansen, who is as good a closer as there is, Chris Hatcher appeared to grow into the set-up role nicely in August and September. The Bums also re-acquired Joe Blanton who quietly had an EXCELLENT second-half for Benda’s Pirates last year. Add Yimi Garcia, Luis Avilan, Pedro Baez and J.P. Howell to the mix and I’d say that’s pretty good depth.
• You won’t get any argument from Dodger fans that we’ve been out-classed in the managerial department by the Giants’ Bruce Bochy the past few years. Well, you might get an argument, but it wouldn’t be a very good one. Things have changed, Don Mattingly is in Miami installing a new “no-facial-hair” policy (that should be good for a few extra wins, right?) and screwing up the Marlins’ lineup card. Thank you, Donnie Baseball. But, there’s a new sheriff in L.A. Granted, he’s a first time manager but it’s hard not to like Dave Roberts. He’s a former Dodger and he played two seasons under Bochy with the Giants. He has the most famous stolen base in history (2004 Red Sox). He has received praise from not only Bochy, Bud Black and even his rival for the job, Gabe Kapler, but his old coach at UCLA and the Seahawks Pete Carroll have endorsed him. There’s an all new coaching staff to assist Roberts, including former A’s manager, Bob Geren (who was also on the short list for the job). Gone is Mark McGwire who presided over some pretty bad offensive slumps last year. I guess he didn’t have the right prescription for today’s hitters. Of course, we don’t know how thing will go under the new regime but I feel safe in saying it certainly won’t be worse.
• The front office. Between Stan Kasten, Andrew Friedman, Farhan Zaidi, Josh Byrnes, Alex Anthropoulis, Gabe Kapler, Gerry Hunsicker, Pat Corrales, Ned Coletti and Aaron Sele there’s a wealth of experience and high-caliber baseball acumen running the circus.

Why the Dodgers won’t win:

• If the so-called pitching “depth” is just a name for a lot of mediocre pitchers. After Kershaw, who knows? The injury bug also hovers over this staff. Several guys have less than stellar health histories.
• The offense. Last year the Dodgers’ OBP was among the league’s highest yet they were near the bottom in runs scored. They were a very poor base running team for most of the year. New hitting coach, Turner Ward, new 3B Coach, Chris Woodward and new 1B Coach, George Lombard figure to help correct the deficiencies that were so costly last year. If a lead-off hitter emerges and the bats of Yasmani Grandal, Carl Crawford, Joc Pederson and Yasiel Puig return from the Twilight Zone, this team figures to score some runs … and without Greinke, they may have to.
• The outfield glut. What’s going to happen with Crawford and Ethier? If Joc doesn’t hit, who plays center? To complicate matters, Roberts is going to want to get Kiké Hernandez into the lineup (he can play the infield too) and there’s youngsters like Trayce Thompson (Klay’s brother and Mychael’s son) chomping at the bit. Scott Van Slyke will come off the bench in the OF and 1B, but who does Roberts play every day? It could get messy.

Los Angeles Dodgers Corey Seager takes grounders during workout Tuesday, February 23, 2016 at Camelback Ranch-Glendale in Phoenix, Arizona. Photo by Jon SooHoo/©Los Angeles Dodgers,LLC 2016

Probable Opening Day Lineup:

Joc Pederson CF

Howie Kendrick 2B

Corey Seager SS

Adrian Gonzalez 1B

André Ethier LF

Yasiel Puig RF

Justin Turner 3B

Yasmani Grandal C

SP#1 Clayton Kershaw, SP#2 Hyun Jin-Ryu, SP#3 Scott Kazmir, SP#4 Kenta Maeda, SP#5 Brett Anderson

Set-Up: Chris Hatcher

Closer: Kenley Jansen

 

 

NEXT UP: SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS … stay tuned

 

 

All We Want For Christmas Is A New Front Office?

HOW DODGER FANS ARE LIKING THE OFF-SEASON SO FAR

Yesterday the Orange and Black scourge signed free agent pitcher, Johnny Cueto for six years and $130 M smackaroos. Earlier this off-season they signed free agent pitcher, Jeff Samardjzia for $90 more of those same smackaroos. Division rivals, the Arizona Diamondbacks, may have upgraded their starting rotation a tad by snatching Zack Greinke from Dodgers and trading for a top o’the rotation youngster named Shelby Miller. The Dodgers? Well, we got a nice 3 or 4 in Hiroshi Iwakuma and, praise be!, we grabbed Chase Utley just moments before he fell into the free agent abyss that ends in Colorado, Milwaukee or some other such nondescript location.

Yay, Andrew and Farhan!!!

Now, I gotta come clean, I am among those who actually believe that a front office consisting of Stan Kasten, Josh Byrnes and wunderkinds, Andrew Friedman and Farhan Zaidi ranks as one of the best ever assembled in any sport. I do. But, those who share my opinion do not seem to make up the majority of fans of the Los Angeles Dodgers. In fact, I’m not sure the names Andruw Jones, Jason Schmidt, Frank McCourt or Ned Coletti could conjure the horrific sounds of wailing, ripping of clothing and gnashing of teeth echoing throughout Dodgertown at this particular moment. The natives are, indeed, restless.

But before I grab my pitchfork and Bic-up my torch, I’m going to consider a few things.

Did we want Jeff Samardzjia? After all, statistically, he was the worst starter in baseball last year. He was awful. He led the AL in runs allowed. He led the AL in home runs allowed. His ERA was higher than Yasiel Puig’s IQ. Let the Giants roll the dice with the guy. I don’t think the Dodgers were ever serious about him anyway.

Did we want Johnny Cueto? Well, maybe. Sorta. Just not $130M and six years worth. If he pitches well, he opts out after two years in search of the Greinke Grail at which point the Jints will have already had to pay him $42M. Besides, he’s been consistently inconsistent and actually stunk for a good stretch with the Royals last year. Did the Dodgers want him? I guess not.

Did we want Zack Greinke? Yes. I believe we did. Did the front office lose him? I don’t think so. I would assume ownership looked at the long term effect of what he would cost and the age at which they would be paying him and thought better of that kind of investment. I think if the D-Backs had not swooped in, the Dodgers might have done more to keep him out of the Giants’ evil clutches. As it turned out, let’s see how well Arizona can absorb a quarter of a billion dollar commitment.

Did we want Shelby Miller? Yes. We sure did. But, I wonder how Dodger fans would be reacting if we had traded Seager, Urias and Pederson to get him? The Braves asking price was exorbitant and the Dodgers have said all along Seager and Urias were untouchable. So, is it a surprise he went elsewhere? The D-Backs paid a VERY heavy price … players like Darby Swanson don’t grow on trees.

David Price? Should David Price make more money than Clayton Kershaw? Can ANY team, even the Dodgers, justify over $400M for two roster spots? Dodger fans say they could and maybe they’re right. The problem is, we’re customers, not owners. Or are we?

Is a team with the resources the Dodgers have wise in passing on big ticket names in the current market? After all, most Dodger fans can’t even watch the games on TV, not to mention that attending a game in person will be even more costly in 2016 thanks to the bump in ticket prices. I’m not sure Iwakuma and Utley are enough of a reward for fan’s patience.

I’ve been buying tickets to Dodger games since 1958. I have Dodger hats, jerseys and bobbleheads. I eat Farmer John bacon exclusively. I worship at the feet of Lasorda and am soothed by the voice of Scully. Do I have the right to ask what the heck in going on in the mind of Andrew Friedman? I think so.

Note to Andy and Farhan, look I trust you guys, at least for another few minutes, but you’re new to Dodgertown. We expect championships. Now. We expect to be SERIOUS contenders every year. We don’t do “re-builds,” we’re the freaking Dodgers for crying out loud! We haven’t won since 1988 while Giants fans are prancing around with THREE recent trophies. This is totally unacceptable. We don’t have patience. We’ve used it ALL up during the Fox/McCourt reign. We were glad to see you … at first. But unless this 2016 team makes a deep playoff run, the drums you hear now in the distance will become much closer.

You’re Dodgers now, act like it.

2015 Season In Review

Well, that’s that. The Kansas City Royals are the World Series Champions. That’s OK if for no other reason than the San Francisco Giants are no longer champions of anything and Jints fans can stick a sock in it for at least a year. That’s very nice, but not the result I was hoping for by any stretch of the imagination.

So, was 2015 a successful campaign for the Dodgers? Did the Wunderkinds in the front office do a passable job with their algorithms and their spreadsheets? How did my NL West predictions turn out? Which players improved and which ones fell off? Did those good ol’ expectations get met?

The Dodgers finished the season with a record of 92-70, winning their third straight NL Western Division crown. That’s great and all, but once again Dem Bums stumbled in the playoffs, losing in the first round to the New York Mets in five games. Same old story.

On the Giants’ side of the world their clever strategy of finishing second on their way to a championship backfired when they ended up way too far second. Despite all the bluster from the fanbase, the Giants ended up 8 games behind the Dodgers. Of course my Bums did their best to give Jints fans a glimmer of hope by waiting until the last week of the season to clinch the division. Worked out great, though, as they were able to sew up the title on the Giants’ home turf behind a masterful complete game by Clayton ‘Still The Best Pitcher On The Planet’ Kershaw. Frisco* fans took solace in the fact they were still “in it” until the last week of the season. The truth is that after being swept in a three game series at Dodger Stadium earlier in September, the Giants never really had a chance. Still, it was cute that they thought they did.

So, what did the Dodgers’ annual early exit from the playoffs mean for the team? First, it sealed Donnie Baseball’s fate. Though it was presented as a mutual “parting of the ways” it was obvious to anyone who was paying attention that Mattingly needed to go. He will be much happier in Miami and Dodger fans will be much happier that he is in Miami as well. Lots of old Yankee fans in Florida, so he’ll be in his element.

As far as my predictions going into the season go, I was REALLY wrong about a couple of things. Despite the roster shake-up, the Padres didn’t come anywhere near being a contender. Their flat play allowed a mediocre Giants team to finish second. I also thought the D-Bags would stink, and they did, they just didn’t stink as bad as the Padres and Rockies. The only thing I was right about was that the Dodgers would cruise to another Division title, and they did.

But my Bums didn’t have an easy time of it. Spring training started with the news that Hyun Jin-Ryu, their number three starter, would miss the entire season with a bad shoulder. Just for fun, it was also learned that the only bullpen piece we had any confidence in, closer Kenley Jansen,  would start the year on the DL and would require surgery on his foot. It didn’t take long for another key piece of the rotation to go down when (surprise, surprise) Brandon McCarthy’s health issues would knock him out for the season as well. Even the Ace Of Aces, Clayton Kershaw, started off a little wobbly. It wasn’t until June that Kid K started to look like himself and then he was dominant. Speaking of dominant, Zach Greinke put together one of the best seasons any pitcher has ever had, but finished second to the Cubs’ Jake Arrietta in the Cy Young voting (Kersh finished third).

All in all, it was a good year in Dodgertown. Justin Turner blossomed, Greinke and Kershaw were amazing, A-Gone got his ribbies , Brett Anderson pitched the whole season, Joc Pederson showed a flash of what could be, Andre Ethier bounced back nicely and after his call-up in September, Corey Seager showed he belongs in the majors. Oh, and the Giants missed the playoffs. I’ll take that.

I’ll be back with more biased rants before you know it! Stay tuned!

 

Need Some Tripe? Call Kruk and Kuip!!!

Note: I’m sorry to have neglected this blog for so long … I meant to keep it regularly updated but I also expected Hyun-Jin Ryu to throw a pitch this season, so what the bleep do I know? My absence has nothing to do with my Beloved Bums inability to score here in Fog City, though it might appear that way to Giants fans, it’s just a cowinky-dink. But, my bitterness over recent results on the field have spurred me to deflect attention from the Dodgers’ miserable performance to a far better target for my vitriolic rants and slobbering, sputtering hissy-fits; the dynamic broadcasting duo of Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper – possibly the most obnoxious pair of sleaze bags ever to befoul a booth! Really.

Q: Why is Mike Krukow so obsessed with “grabbing some pine”?

A: Because Duane Kuiper has a woodpecker.

– Vulgar schoolyard humor attributed to an anonymous blogger.

Okay, that may be out of line, perhaps a little over the top, but when a gag is just sitting there … waiting … you can’t fault some tasteless curmudgeon for picking the low hanging fruit. Well, maybe you can fault him, but I shan’t cast a stone.

It may seem unnecessarily cruel to pick on another team’s broadcasters. After all, Dodger fans are incredibly spoiled after 65 years of Vin Scully, undoubtedly the classiest act in sports. Heck, he may be the classiest act in the WORLD! And Vinny would be appalled by the gutter-mouthed besmirching of another human being’s skills that I’m about to unleash. But, I could never pretend to possess the dignity and style of a Vin Scully. I have no qualms about taking a cheap shot when presented with the opportunity. I’m not proud of this characteristic, but I’ve learned to live with my flaws … to a degree. Besides, these two guys deserve to be called out for their blathering, insipid, mean-spirited commentary and joy-sucking attitudes.

I’m taking a stand and giving voice to an objection that baseball fans everywhere should be undertaking. Bring fair and balanced journalistic integrity to baseball broadcasting. Mix it with fun and good old home-spun pleasantries and use appropriate and descriptive language. Embrace the spirit of competition and sportsmanship. Know the game’s history and its nuances. Do some research and prepare yourself for your broadcast. Be a professional. Or you could just go ahead and shill self-serving home team propaganda and berate opponents and their fans … you know, like Kruk and Kuip!

Maybe I’m a little more sensitive to these things. Like I said, I’m spoiled. I grew up in Southern California, the home of the premier sportscasters on the planet. The Dodgers had Vinny, the Angels had Dick Endberg (Oh, My!) and the Lakers had Chick Hearn (Slam Dunk!) … I mean, how can another city compare with THAT?

I was literally shocked when I heard my first out-of-town broadcasters. I know Harry Carey is a beloved icon in Chicago, although I found his blustering, drunken bellowing from the WGN Super Station booth kind of entertaining (in an alcoholic uncle kind of way), I was completely disoriented by his “homer” slant … he would be absolutely giddy when a Cubs player would hit one into the bleachers despite the fact it was a 7th inning solo shot in a game in which they were down 11-2. He would fume and pout if a hometown runner was thrown out at second, bemoaning the ineptitude of the umpire, forgetting that the game was televised and the audience clearly SAW that the forlorn Cubbie was out by at least three feet. Sure, by the sixth inning Ol’ Harry was clearly drunk on his ass but I wasn’t quite sure how it enhanced the broadcast. Be that as it may, I would jump over a hundred Kruk & Kuips to hear one Harry Carey belch, “Holy Cow!” on a warning track fly ball.

The difference, I suppose, is a little thing called “personality.” Harry Carey had one, Kruk and Kuip don’t possess any between them. At least nothing that could be called very nice. I would suggest that in order to create some kind of warmth  they might employ The Harry Carey Inebriation Method to liven up the play by play – but somehow I suspect they are mean drunks. Heck, they’re mean sober!

Let’s take Krukow’s “catchphrase” (please), “Grab some pine, Meat!” which he snarls whenever an opposing player strikes out or makes an out in a key situation. Again, having grown up listening to the gentlemanly Mr. Scully it was disconcerting to hear such derisive language coming from a broadcaster. If you have ever been anywhere near a baseball diamond you know the phrase, “Grab some pine, Meat,” is not a term of endearment. It is very often followed by a return salvo of expletives and, in some cases, physical confrontation. If it’s an organized game an umpire may warn purveyors of such a snarky remark that poor sportsmanship could result in ejections. When he was playing the game I’m sure Kruk liked to spew that kind of thing on those rare occasions when he was able to induce an out. Hopefully, he got his nose punched a couple of times. But, he was probably just content for the opposing pitcher to buzz a few of his teammates with a little “chin music.” Classy.

One of the most irritating things about “homers” in general, and Kruk and Kuip in particular, is their complete and utter bias. The inability to be objective and to only see the events on the field  through orange and black glasses, looking for reasons to either inflate Giants players or to justify those player’s misdeeds. It drives me crazy.

From where I sit, up in the View Section, the most villainous player in baseball is Madison Bumgarner. I consider him to be the Ted Nugent of MLB. He appears to be an ignorant redneck who hates brown people. He’s also beaten the Dodgers the last few times he’s faced them which does absolutely nothing to increase my love for the schmuck. The only thing worse than watching Mr. Arrogance Personified walk slooooowly to and from the mound with his indignant swagger is listening to Mike Krukow’s slurping of his precious MadBum (get a room!) – a sound bite from one of Kruk’s “Slurp Sessions” could be used in ERs to induce vomiting in patients who’ve ingested poisons. It’s horrible!

A little background: Last season during a game at Dodger Stadium, Bumgarner gave up a home run to Yasiel Puig (a man of color and a Cuban to boot) and The Greatest Lefthander In History took exception to Puig’s bat flip as the ball sailed into the pavillion. Now, granted, the young Mr. Puig has been known to show a little cockiness … if you could play like he can, you would too … and it certainly wasn’t the first time he had exhibited this particular maneuver. It’s kind of a signature thing. But The Arbiter Of On Field Etiquette (MadBum) thought that the Cuban was being “disrespectful” and started verbalizing his displeasure in a tone loud enough to be heard in Oxnard. This incited Yasiel to return fire in Spanish. This REALLY pissed MB off! The Great One Who Says What Is What would prefer to be cursed out by someone “speaking Uh-merry-cun.” Again, disrespect!!!

Obviously, the next time Puig came to bat “The Nuge” plunked him … a little brouhaha ensued. OK, that’s baseball. Not the nicest side of the game but definitely a part of the game. We move on.

Spring Training this year: In an interview intended for an L.A. audience (I believe it was conducted in Español) Puig was asked about the rivalry with the Giants. He responded that based on his time in the major leagues he would consider the St. Louis Cardinals more of a rival to the Dodgers than the Giants. After all, it had been the Cardinals who ended his team’s seasons the last two years. A reasonable point and one that made no derogatory mention of the Giants. But, this statement really got up Mike Krukow’s skirt.

“Yasiel Puig is a dumb kid who needs to show more respect to the game.” the Krukster wailed. Dumb? Yeah, probably. I wouldn’t imagine the combined IQ of the stiffs in the Giants’ locker room would give you a total over the Mendoza Line either. But, if there’s one thing the Giants and their fans take VERY seriously it is their rivalry with the Dodgers. If you were to take that away from them it would create a gaping hole in their identity that couldn’t ever be filled with garlic fries alone. It strikes at the very core of their existence. To suggest that the Dodgers might not consider the Giants their arch foe is disrespecting the entire fan base in San Francisco. It would be like having a crush on The Cheerleader who doesn’t know you exist. It’s a self esteem thing.

But, Yasiel did say it … forget that many Dodger fans agree with him. It’s just that the Jints (and Krukow) need the Dodgers. Their self-esteem was already low despite having won the World Series the previous Fall. They’re very, very sensitive to the national opinion that 2014’s Fall Classic was a bit of a cheapie. Not the games themselves, just the participants. Two second place teams, one of which took advantage of MLB’s cracking the back door a bit wider for them, duking it out in Kansas City and San Francisco didn’t exactly excite the big market audiences. Too bad, so sad. Deal with it, Kruk! You still get to parade that trophy around at every conceivable opportunity and you can pretend that you are somehow a “dynasty.” Why worry about being disrespected by a Cuban Phenom in Blue?

Fast Forward to a recent game, again at Dodger Stadium. The Most Righteous and Enviable Master of the Mound throws a pitch to another new Dodger from Cuba (who also happens to be brown), Alex Guerrero. Guerrero was in the midst of a Rookie of the Month stretch and had gotten a couple dings off MadBum. On this particular pitch, the kid swung hard and missed. He swung so hard he corkscrewed himself into a little more graceful pirouette and, obviously disgusted with himself, slapped his bat with his hand. For some unknown reason this riled the delusional pitcher no end. Convinced he was once more being “disrespected” Bumgarner started screaming at Guerrero. Alex looked a little confused but composed himself enough to get back in the box and whack a double. MadBum was apoplectic. He really, really seems to take offense when a Latino player has the unmitigated gall to get a hit off his ugly ass.

Worse than Bumgarner’s behavior was Krukow’s ride to the pitcher’s defense. Get this, Krukow said it was beyond the pale that a mere rookie like Guerrero would have the nerve to “show up” a “LEGEND” like Madison Bumgarner. WTF??? Forget that the “showing up” only took place in MadBum’s imagination. Forget the fact that the only two players to irk The MVP (oh wait, that was Kershaw) happen to both be Cubans. What is most troublesome to me is that Krukow can actually say with a straight face that MadBum is a “legend.” Well, he had a good postseason, I’ll grant you that, but legend? Let’s hold the canonization until he’s at least been beatified, OK? I mean, Clayton Kershaw has had a much more impressive career (four ERA titles, three Cy Youngs and an MVP) but I would most certainly hesitate to bestow “Legendary” status on him just yet. Will he be considered a legend? Probably … someday. Will Madison Bumgarner be a legend? He will to Giants fans. Heck, these guys put up plaques for such “legendary” players as Johnny LeMaster and Attlee Hammaker, so I would assume MadBum is a shoe-in for a spot on the 2nd & King Street wall. The perceived disrespect being felt by Bumgarner and Krukow, unfortunately, is being projected as the public attitude of the organization. Which it probably is. But, that’s a disservice to actual baseball fans who root for the Giants.

Kuiper and Krukow are the public face of the Giants. They do dance to the tune of Their Master, the Evil One, Brian Sabean. The final straw, for me, was their editorializing during the “The Collision” controversy. Between the three of these vile little rodents, Duane Kuiper took the lead in the public berating and vilification of an innocent journeyman ballplayer, Scott Cousins, whose only crime was to play baseball on the same field as the Special One, Buster Posey.

In that infamous game between the Giants and Marlins, Scott Cousins attempted to score in the 12th inning of a tie game. Buster Posey, out of position and feebly leaving his left leg in front of the plate was on the receiving end of a what should have been most certainly anticipated collision with the baserunner. Posey broke his leg. The Giants wailed.

“How can you let a nobody like Scott Cousins take out our MVP, super star?” they cried. Never mind that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the play, it was and had been a common occurrence. It’s the way the game had been played for over a hundred years. It was the 12th inning! A tie game! Cousins had to score that run! Did Buster and the Giants really expect Cousins to pull up, and stick out his butt to ease Buster’s efforts in applying the tag? Really?

Buster Posey has ALWAYS tried to avoid base runners at the plate. It’s his style. He had put himself a little out of position this time and with the simultaneous arrival of both the runner and the ball, he got taken out. Had this never happened to a catcher before?

To hear Kuiper tell it, Cousins was guilty of assault on half a battery. Poor Buster was mugged by a career minor leaguer! Cousins should be banned from the game for having the audacity to play Big Boy Baseball against our most popular and productive player! We (the Giants) demand that MLB take appropriate action against this vicious usurper!

What really got me was Posey’s attitude when Cousins visited him in the hospital to express his concern and to let him know he was sorry things turned out the way they did. Buster refused to see him.

Classless? Obnoxious? No problem for Kruk and Kuip. They continued their campaign badmouthing Cousins and their incessant whining (along with the Giants front office) eventually led to the “Buster Pussy Rule” being adopted by MLB protecting catchers from contact by the baserunner. A little too late for Ray Fosse, but he didn’t play for the Giants.

Bottom line? The broadcast team of Krukow and Kuiper does nothing to improve the Giants image outside the Bay Area. As the frontmen for the Giants organization and their fans these two project an arrogance and haughty derision that most baseball fans find very unbecoming. But, in their defense, it was about time somebody took the mantle of Most Obnoxious Sports Teams from Boston. Maybe they can swing a trade for Tom Brady. God knows, he’d fit right in.

Feelin’ Blue In The Land Of Orange

I got dem ol’ Dodger Blues again, and it feels so good.

They’re on their way. The Dodgers are headed to AT&T Park for a three game series with The Orange & Black Borg. Yes, I have my tickets and I can’t wait to see this year’s team take on the hated Jints.

San Francisco will greet the Bums with their typical “Beat L.A.” chants and their haughty attitude but they’ll be starting this series the same way they finished last year … six games behind their rival. Six games back is pretty sad considering we’re only twelve games into the season. It won’t keep the fans at AT&T from being any less obnoxious, but it’s gotta pique them a little bit I’d think.

Still, I’ll have to be careful in the stands. They don’t cotton much to us Blue Bleeders in these parts. I may have to go undercover. For Wednesday’s game I’ll be out in the bleachers and I will definitely have to contain my enthusiasm when the Dodgers score, the drunken Giants fan can be a very grumpy neighbor when things aren’t going his way.

Be that has it may, I love it when the Dodgers come to town.

I’ll keep you posted.

It’s vewy, vewy quiet at Third & King

Sure, it’s only April but the Giants Juggernaught seems to be mired in the China Basin mud. The World Chumps, er, Champs have yet to win a home game in 2015. A rather inauspicious start to the season But I’m not gloating (well, I’m gloating a little) it is after all, only April.

All I can tell you is that the Jints have been very considerate neighbors so far this week. The normally raucous crowds have been a bit subdued which makes an early bedtime quite attainable.

Thanks, Giants. At least one neighbor appreciates the quiet.