Opening Day at AT&T, A Special Kind of Hell for a Dodger Fan in the Belly of the Beast

The orange and black swamp as seen from my building.

The orange and black swamp as seen from my building.

It’s 10 am and I can already smell the grills heatin’ up. The parking lot across the street from my building is filling with orange and black flags, balloons and gaudy people. Pretty soon the Fourth Street drawbridge sirens will sound as the migration of floating vessels start making their way to McCovey Cove.

It’s horrible.

Well, not rmadbumtooneally horrible, just painful for the ONE Dodger Fan in the neighborhood. Not because it’s Opening Day, I’m cool with that, it’s the giddiness of the locals with all their THREE IN FIVE YEARS novelties on display. Orange and black foam fingers with three rings, tee-shirts, hats, flags, banners, pennants, car decals and hobos wandering around in their MadBum undies.

It’s horrible.

Of course, these people revel in my discomfort. They don’t seem to take my feelings into account in their celebratory shenanigans right under my nose. They should. I don’t remember rubbing THEIR noses in Dodgers’ success over those nearly 60 years they didn’t have a trophy to put “on tour” as if it were The Rolling Stones. But, boy oh boy, are they ever making up for lost time!!!

It’s horrible.

Tell you what, I’ll give them today. Just today. Naturally, they’ll spread this out over the course of the season, even when they’re  mired in fourth place in July. But, that’s okay, I can take it. Wear your stupid tee shirts, wave your foam fingers, every dog has their day.

The new day, however, is dawning as a Dodger Dog.

UPDATE:

An Hour Of Your Life You’ll Never Get Back

Did you live through the Giants’ Opening Day celebration? If you did it’s possible you have grandchildren you didn’t know about by now. That took a LONG time!

First, they parade out of center field carrying their three trophies. Bochy has trouble walking straight so they meandered a bit. They strolled rather leisurely to the mound where an altar had been erected to display their Holy of Holies.

Then they went through the team introductions. No problem, except they introduced literally EVERYBODY who works for them! Security guards, churro vendors, the guy that begs for change every day at the Lefty O’Doul Bridge. It was excruciating.

After national anthems, flag unfurlings and Air Force fly overs it was time to stroll BACK out to center field to raise the World Series banner. Apparently it takes 11 Giants to accomplish the task, and one of them (MadBum) had to have a pony ride first!!!

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Seriously, I haven’t seen that much self-slurping since my dog accidentally sat in some peanut butter.

It was an ordeal, as evidenced by the Giants’ being too fatigued from their mutual back slapping to run the bases as the Rockies shut ’em down 2-0 in the game they eventually played.

Serves ’em right!

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