The Panda Speaks! Bids Farewell to Giants

Paul Kantner of the Jefferson Airplane said it best, “San Francisco is forty-nine square miles surrounded by reality.” Nowhere is San Francisco’s delusion more evident than among fans of their baseball team. In a bizarre twist of the cosmic fabric, their delusion has been fed the last few years by a fickle and capricious Baseball God, but delusion is delusion nonetheless.

One of the things they insist on is that their team has “chemistry” (besides the kind supplied by Balco) and that their players would only leave AT&T Park kicking and screaming while being dragged out by the dingle balls of their Panda Hat. Apparently, at least according to the inspiration for the Panda Hat, that may not be so. Seems their GM may very well be the Giant Douche he appears to be. In fact, at least one free agent player knew he would leave as soon as another team made an offer. The recently beloved Pablo Sandoval agreed to take less money from the Boston Red Sox in order to put some serious distance between him and General Manager Brian Sabean. He angered the always prickly Giants Fans by pointing out, in no uncertain terms, that it’s not as hard to leave The Dynasty (giggle) as one might imagine. In fact, Pablo packed his churros and headed eastward for a few million less just to avoid running into Bri on the street.

Of course, fans have responded to Panda by saying such silly things as, “You’ll never play in another World Series again!” apparently unaware that the Red Sox are 14 to 1 favorites to win the whole bowl of baked beans this year (behind the Nats at 5 to 1 and the Dodgers at 8 to 1) while Vegas isn’t shining its light on Sabean’s butt this time around at 16 to 1.

But, being the genius he is, Sabean isn’t too concerned. The mastermind behind the Travis Ishikawa signing is convinced he can trot Casey McGehee out there as a Pseudo-Panda and his juggernaut won’t skip a beat … and, even if they miss the playoffs, Giants fans won’t blame him – after all, who else knew Aubrey Huff and Cody Ross were such elite players? Nobody, that’s who. Besides, most of the folks I talk to around here aren’t even paying attention this season, it’s an odd numbered year.

Pass the garlic fries, lest we let reality encroach upon our lovely domain.


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